Wasting away again in Snarkville

It's hard to snark on such a sad week. Four little boys lost their mommies this week. I mean, more than that sadly, but in the public eye. Four boys will grow up without their mothers. And since this cat got a little brother that rocks my cat tree in a whole new sad way.We bid farewell to Natasha Richardson and Jade Goody this week. Natasha to the most random head wound ever and Jade to cervical cancer. So the lesson this week is ...wear a helmet and get a pap smear. I kid, but really be careful out there. And even if you are on the bunny slope for reals wear a helmet! It's a whole lot of shameful waste this week. So sad.

Something to make us smile.

Cutest Couple of the week Jake and Reese. Just cause. He's cute, she's cute. She even cutes that chin. Just. Cute.

In other news:
LeAnn Rimes hubby outted by cousin 'Pebbles'. I just don't know where to start! He's gay. Her name is Pebbles. He's so gay. If he's not gay...I'm not a cat. Mom forced us to watch some instyle crap show about their house and he did ten minutes on the candle light on the porch. Ten minutes on lighting and the advantage of sheer curtains. And he was like, 22 at the time. At 22 my dad was talking about Miss July and the advantages of sheer bikinis, he wouldn't have known a cut glass candle holder or how to light a patio for a dinner party if someone had paid him. Cause he's a dude. He's been married now for two years and knows the difference between ivory and ecru now but he certainly wouldn't admit it on tv while drinking a mimosa. He's more comfortable watching the game and drinking a Guinness. And he makes his living in the theatre!So yeah. Mr. Rimes C'est Gay. The biggest problem with this story is that for some friggin reason people still want to be bearded. Come out of the litter box kittens! If you're gay, be gay. It's cool yo. I promise, I talked to the Big Man Upstairs just the other day through the stove and he told me. It's cool.So, Little LeAnn cheated. Well, Quelle Surprise! What with a hubby who likes the boys a girls gotta get hers eventually! She's only 25 and married for 7 years. The seven year itch hit her like poison ivy. Too bad she set her sights on a married dude. Cause that ain't cool.
We're watching Twilight over here. Yeah I read the books. My friend Rach calls them a Literary Shame F*ck and she is so right. So much snarkable material here. He's 117 and she's 17. He is mean to her. He sneaks into her house, stalks her. Watches her sleep. He wants to kill and eat her. And pre-teen girls think this is the path of true love? Rhianna never stood a chance.

Sad week. Not too much snark. More soon!

BAD PERSON OF THE WEEK

The week isn't even done yet and we've got a winner. Or looser. Project Runway's Kenley Collins got all Chris Brown on her fiance' by tossing a computer, a bunch of other stuff and the piece de resistance...a CAT at him. WTF? Who is so mad they look around for something to throw and think "Fluffy is so sweetly sleeping there, I should toss her right at his head."

I suppose it's no surprise she's an animal hater since she is always waltzing about with dead birds on her head. I bet she didn't even let Fluffy catch those birds! At least let a kitty help!

It's shocking, Kenley always seemed so stable.

I can't even type that with my whiskers straight. She was a twine ball of Krazy from the get go.

Think they'll get back together? My guess...nope. Throw a cat at Zak Penley and it's over. C.B. beats the bejeezus outta Rhianna, ruins her pretty face and those kitty cat eyes and the stupid kitten takes him back.

I guess she can cancel the order on those Kenley Penley thank you cards.

In most unlikely homewrecker news LeAnne Rimes had an affair with Eddie Cibrian. I guess being with such a cute lil gay guy finally got the best of her. Her hubby is super delish in that WeHo way methinks. So cute,watched an interview with them and when have you ever seen a guy do ten minutes on how fabulous the candles and lighting are on their patio? I'll tell ya when, on HGTV. David Bromstadt, Vern Yip...You won't catch The Rock discussing lighting and mood and how cut glass can set the stage for any dinner party.

I'm just saying.

It's no excuse to cheat. And certainly not with a married idiot with two kids! What? No straight single guys want to hook up with the Rimes?

A few musings...

I think Bruno said it best when he told Denise she had grabbed her tools and made good use of them. Indeed. We haven't seen dancing like that since Mary Jane's Last Dance.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdTYcnUBADw But the judges drank the Complicated Kool-Aid, so what can ya do.

Meanwhile, Holly had stepped it up and was slightly less awkward that Dr. Christmas, but the judges are obviously skeeved by the whole Hef thing and gave her fifty lashes with a sparkly noodle. Totally wasted on her. I could have a great time with a sparkly noodle.

Why is everyone Orange? I know we don't want uber pasty people wobbling about, but this is a color unknown to nature. The only creature this color is Ernie. Or Zoe. We watch to much damn Sesame Street over here.

Belinda Carlisle's last pose...nuff said.

I don't snark on the weak. So I can't snark on the Woz. I mean, I'm an 8 pound cat with a brain the size of a walnut and I could control myself better on the dance floor. But he's so smiley and looks like he's having the time of his life, even with a broken foot. Will he continue? Or will Geeky Bear lovers weep all over Christendom as he powers down?

Julianne Hough is so friggin perfect. If she hadn't farted on tv 2 years ago, I'd hate her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpaN4mtN6ls But what are those pants? Are we continuing the general muppet theme? Big Bird on Acid? She's still smokin hot, even if she looks like she's wearing a lampshade that escaped from the Three's Company set.

The irony that Steve O is out because he landed on a mike pack is hysterical. The man can nail his nuts to a board and be just fine, ride in a shopping cart down the streets of San Francisco crashing into parked cars and walk away, only to be done in by ballroom dancing. Hy.Ster.I.Cal.

Shaun Johnson is the cutest Keebler Elf ever. Tonight she was a Keebler Carmen Miranda. And she was still so cute I wanted to just put her on a shelf with the miniatures.

My-Ry is so cute. Even better this week than last! But they are trying sooooooooooooooo hard to convince us that she is struggling, it doesn't come naturally. People please, this comes as easily to her as napping and purring come to me. Who cares though? She's hot, she's not wearing an aqua fishing net this week, and she shakes what her momma gave her better than anyone else. I think I speak for us all when I say, Jason Mesnick you are a huge douchenozzle.

Will Lil Kim's ass shrink during this season? Her nose keeps getting smaller and smaller but the booty? I think it has it's own orbit at this point. I can't look away, it's fascinating like a bug, or a laser pointer.

Can't wait for tomorrow! Who will go home?? I know who I'm voting for. Even I can text with the iPhone. One doesn't need opposable thumbs to use a touch screen. Paws work too, even better with painted claws.

All her power is in those Knee Socks.

Enough with the knee socks Holly. All you need is a fur coat and a line of coke and you'd be the Wal-Mart version of Roller Girl. A little cute, a little trashy, a lot passe. I actually feel a little sad for Holly. She she seems so lost, which I know is not unheard of among the take your clothes off for cash and approval crowd. She's gorgeous. There's not denying it. Beautiful skin. Or is that beautiful make up application, which if it is, can she please teach my mom how to keep her eyeliner from running under her eyes and how to apply blush so she doesn't look like a $2 whore or a freaky china doll?
But I digress...Holly. Obviously sweet and motivated. Seems to be proving to be a decent photo editor, but all reports that was an actual job and not just a 'let's have her show up with Starbucks and look like she's doing something (Heidi Montag I'm talking to you!)' gimmick.
Holly seems to be lacking one important thing. Her own identity. Kendra certainly had hers - football and that irresistible booty dance. Bridget has hers, even if it is a strange Hello Kitty/Barbie/Serious Student Combo platter. But Holly is an adaptor. Two weeks with Cris Angel (I need a cat bath with a Brillo just thinking about it, although again, better at eyeliner application than my mom.) and our girl is all black nail polish, skull and crossbones necklaces and Ed Hardy hoodies. I mean there was a time when Mom herself adapted to a boy. He rocked the NKOTB look so hard core with the poofy hair and the overalls that she was unable to resist and before you knew it Mumsy was sporting said overalls with one strap unhooked and hanging down her back while she was Hanging Tough. But she was a kid. And Holly is, well, not.
I'm wishing her well on DWTS this week. My favorite show you know. I can't resist shiny glittery things! And Steve Wozniak. Who can resist the Woz???